Column: Gordon Raphael #10, Dec 2002
By: Gordon Raphael
When we arrived, there were hot-rockin' model girls wearing silver hot pants, walking on stilts and brandishing toy machine-guns there to greet us. My dear pal Anna M was decked out by Charles Of London in a blasphemous, little outfit patched up in huge swear words, a t-shirt flashing 'Born To Be A Rebel', ripped-up fishnet stockings and covered only by some tiny skull 'n' crossbones underwear. She had a big ol' wooden (toy) rifle, and was instructed to terrorize and raise hell amongst the thousands of alcohol-preserved yuppies who had paid dearly for their chance to be in some sort of 'scene'.
In the model changing-area (a nice place to hang out, when and if you can...), some of Charles' clever associates had managed to locate and liberate some vintage champagne and other fine drinkables from a hidden, well-locked bar. After six hours of divine indulgence, the model's changing room, kindly donated by the upscale club, had been transformed into a den of hashish smoke, cocktails and semi-naked, gorgeous girls wearing nasty-ass punk rock accessories. Mr. Charles of London himself was seen teetering over, taking with him to the ground a rack of clothing. Your humble narrator, Gordon R, and Rockfeedback kingpin Toby L, were right there in the midst of the action, making commentaries and taking notes for our amusement and education.
As 80's Matchbox took the stage, screaming non-stop into a fiercely annoying echo machine, the fever pitch was building as more and more brains were being converted to stew by delicious drinks. The designers were yelling over the noise for their models - dressed in the next round of skimpy, sexy and degenerate outfits - to go out into mayhem and further abuse the crowd. Once they had gone, all seemed peaceful in the little backstage dressing-area.
Yet, all of a sudden, Anna M burst back into the room, nervous and out of breath. Then two burly security guards ran in after her... Apparently she had tried to sneak Dirty Harry and Kevin Nightingale into a VIP area when a lady security guard attempted to deny access! Anna reacted to the denial by splashing her stolen, vintage champagne in the guard's face, and then tried to escape. The guard pursued, chasing Anna through the sweaty crowd accompanied by the dissonant blare of highly over-amplified, screaming punk-rock music. Miss M, flustered and scared, turned around to face her enraged adversary and instinctively raised her fake wooden rifle, taking aim.
Anna yelled, 'Bang, bang, bang,' at the top of her lungs and completely scared the shit out of the oncoming guard. All the patrons in their suits turned, for a moment, away from their cocktails and stared in astonishment.
A parade of beefy security men (you know, the ones with round heads and curly little wires coming out of their ears), club presidents and their official-looking wives soon stormed into the dressing-area/party room. They immediately began lamenting about the empty champagne bottles and yelling for everybody to get out. Models rushed back in and stripped, only to find that their clothes were missing (hey, I didn't do it!). General chaos ensued much to the delight of me and Tobes. I was generously trying to help these lovely ladies find their clothing, whilst red-face, rent-a-cops huffed in bewilderment. Anna M hurried out of the club and into a taxi to avoid any more serious consequences. The drama ended soon after.
Well, I don't know what parties and rock-and-roll have to do with each other, but I'm sure there is a correlation, somehow.
As 2002 draws to a close, I am looking out a fantastic window on to Jane Street in New York City. Just flew in yesterday after having the most fun year of my life living in London. Most recently, I produced five songs with The Wildhearts (for a single). And I am pleased as punch to announce that my compilation CD, 'Top Hits Vol. 1', was released in the UK, featuring nine of my favorite bands: all unspoiled and unsigned. Two of my dearest groups, Miss Machine and Satellites (Mallorca), just toured the UK for the first time with X is Loaded, and we plan to really step up the campaign in the new year with singles and videos that shall truly rock.
Now I must thank and give great praise to the many, many people in the UK who made my life there so special and exciting. So much unbelievably wonderful music was made on stages and studios that I was fortunate to be included in, in my own artistic and musical way. I was with more bands this year than ever before, and now feel the connection with so many new friends because of it. I also was able to learn a hell of a lot about music and production - even evolving my own recording style to a new level. Almost unrecognizable from last year.
The bands that let me be part of their creative-processes in 2002: Whale Tail, Soundtrak, Mantik, HQ, Unisex Salon, 5 O'clock Heroes, Damnaged, Ritual Licks, Hoodlum, NPB, D.U.N.E, Ripe, El Hula, Kate Aumonier, Vade Mecum, The Libertines, Big Sur, Without Walls, Sun Junkie, Tetra Splendour, Plastic Heroes, The Wildhearts, Miss Machine, X is Loaded, Kenada, Machina, Satellites (Mallorca), The Rocks, and Regina Spektor.
I truly respect the music of all of these musicians, and can't recommend highly enough seeking them out in your quest for adventure and aural stimulation... I aim that many of these recordings will be heard in the coming year and that great things will happen for the bands on a worldwide and intergalactic scale; there are seeds here which hopefully will scare the be-jeezis out of those boring, corporate suits that decide to infiltrate our minds with horrid, candy-floss, meaningless drivel to please their mindless, uncaring shareholders. Boring men, you know who you are!!
Happy New Year to all with hearts and minds that still are open.
P.S. Thank you Lord for introducing me, finally, to Rev. Lemmy Kilmeister; ace bassist/singer of Motorhead.