Report: rockfeedback Vs Queens Of Noize: The 4th Birthday - 29/10/04
By: Tim Dellow
OK. Forget objective. That sucks. Criticism by its very nature should be subjective. I'm going to tell other people, what I think about your band. Feel free to send me e-mails praising me as 'a genius that truly understands' or, ask that 'I commit suicide please' (I've received both in e-mails RE: my writing, in the past month), the point being, in the words of Bobby B, it's my prerogative.
And why you must therefore take the gushing praise of this evening, co-promoted by this very webzine and featuring two acts I'm releasing, as more than PR guff, but actual TRUTH. My truth at least. Histories are also subjective and I'm writing mine. You disagree, you're welcome to have a stab yourself, but I doubt your scribblings will be quite so eloquent. If you still don't trust my judgement, check out my other pieces. Otherwise accept my musings on these three beautiful bands as FACT.
Fact 1.
Next year, Ladyfuzz will enchant you all. Why?
They manage to bring colour to the drab sweatbox of overflowing toilets, soiled tissues and smelly groupies that stalk the Monarch into the magic-f**king-toyshop, in full technocolour.
Liz stands on the left. You may have heard about her being a muse to Bloc Party. You may have heard she played with Tom Vek. You almost certainly haven't heard that onstage she is a pulsating clitoris, bursting with pure sexual energy and Cheshire cat smiles. Orgasmic, literally, yet classy, feminine and modern - returning the gaze of 50 indie schmide c**ts and making them question whether they want to crack one off or run for their mothers. Probably both. At the same time.
Then on Geetar AND bass duties is Matt. Story goes they auditioned him for the position of guitar player, told him he'd got the job and jokingly suggested that 'all he had to do now was to learn to play the bass parts at the same time.' Of course, when he turned up the next day, he had them both licked.
So while he's strutting around evoking spirits of rock and roll from his complex bank of pedals we'll focus on Ben, the impossibly good-looking drummer. And man, how he plays! You've never seen anything like it - he loves this kit like a woman. Resting his forehead on the snare as he gently pats her, warming things up and letting the juices flow, until he slowly draws back and plunges into the kit, controlled and tender, but hard as hell, pushing for a higher state. At one time he rocks on the stool, smacking the side of his tom, floppy hair dispersing minuscule beads of sweat, while another time he places a small cymbal on the snare and penetrates it with his drumstick. Seriously magnetic, you've never seen such inventive drumming.
But it's not all spectacle, ladies and gentlemen. The tunes are out in force. And seriously - the first five songs of their set are flawless (I really mean it!), bombarding you with the catchiest lines and moving splurges of genius. The songs themselves are simple enough, but the arrangements are so refreshing. JUST GO SEE THEM. And buy the single of course. Ahem.
Moving on to a band that I have nothing to do with.
Fact 2.
The Bravery are going to be HUGE next year.
This is the kind of crass statement that average journos churn out around this time of year following a huge coke bribe from a PR guy. Thank God you know us better.
'The Strokes With Keyboards' is how we've been briefed. Actually, it's a good-looking Cure. Goth is in, with painted nails and tight black jackets.
The bassist, clearly fixated with the phallic qualities of his thudstick, is the gay icon de rigour. He's walked straight out of a Kenneth Anger flick. Scorpio Rising out of the garage, wearing a tight no-sleeved vest, sprayed-on eyeliner and after the show smearing himself with hot-dog mustard. Man, Iggy would be proud.
My friend leans over and tells me that this is the sort of band that'll change a lot of people's lives. And the general consensus of this - their first UK gig ever - is like witnessing Joy Division for the first time. The thing is, they've really got it down. It's perfect. And that's my one criticism - there's none of the human error of punk present. Bands right now are all getting so f**king good. Which is an incredible situation. But you gotta remember to back up that slickness with some passion. It should be second nature. Listen to Bright Eyes and repeat after me. There's more to being in a band in the noughties than sex and drugs and rock and roll.
Fact 3.
The Subways should be playing the big venues. I mean it. Lighter-waving, teen idol venues. 'Cos otherwise, the pure pop passion and youthful charm that's about 'em is going to be lost forever. You know. They've been paying their dues. Fresh out of college and on the road for a strenuous tour of the shitholes up and down the country and tempers are fraying and members tiring. It was showing the night before at the first part of this birthday bash. But tonight, they were saved by the (over)enthusiasm of the audience - feeding off of their energy and trashing the place like the slutty younger sister of Nirvana.
For this band to achieve what they're after, they need to be signing to a major and having their tunes blasted out on Radio One. It's the context that makes sense. This band could be a gateway for all the younger generation, bored of garidge and sanitised pop-punk a la Busted (out of whom, apparently The Charlie is in the audience), to go out there and replace the rot of old with something fresh and exciting.
Once the mould eats away the peach, the stone will crack and the seedling of a new and better industry will take hold. We've got to nurture it into something beautiful. Something that's ours and we can be proud of. And judging from the quality of the bands on-show tonight, next year could be our year. The year zero.
Photo-Credit: Stuart Nicholls (http://www.stunphoto.co.uk) / Patricia L Brown (Ladyfuzz)