William Shatner - 'Has Been' (Shout! Factory)
4/5
By: Kari Wynn
Captain's Log - Stardate: October 2004. Yes, you read that correctly. It is indeed a new album by the intergalactic lyrical gangsta that is James T. Kirk - Captain of the Starship Enterprise. Exploring strange new worlds, seeking out new life and new civilizations (cue music). Kirk played it like John Wayne in orbit - where his successor Captain Piccard was shaking hands and kowtowing to alien scum; Kirk was on the lookout for hot extraterrestrial action with mini-skirted Martians and the heads of hapless ET's that got in his way to stuff and hang on his wall. It makes sense for a man so hard to want to boldly go where no man has gone before... and put it to record.
Those geeky (or high) enough to be aware of, or God forbid actually listened to, the unintentially hilarious late-60's offerings by Shatner will already be familiar with his classic style on renditions of 'Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds' or 'Mr. Tambourine Man'. This space cowboy doesn't sing; rather, he delivers each phrase as if giving a Shakespearean soliloquy, ridiculously emoting over every syllable as if to say 'Look kids, I'm a serious actor with a rock-n-roll wild man streak - not just that guy from that old 'Star Trek' programme and the movie with the whales in it.'
Fast forward to 2004, and as the story goes, a record-label decided it would be peachy-keen to resurrect Shatner's 'music career'. When opportunity came jingling down his telephone wire, Bill just so happened to be on the other line with best pal Ben Folds. Suddenly, a tiny light bulb cartoonishly appeared over his head, causing him to blurt out, 'Hey guys, how about we let Ben Folds produce it?' What record-label worth its vinyl wouldn't get a 10-foot hard-on over such a truly stunning combination, even if it does beg the alarming question of 'Ben Folds and Bill Shatner are MATES?'
And as if this wasn't enough star power, they brought in some other friends - Aimee Mann, Lemon Jelly and... erm... Henry Rollins. Perhaps he had the night off from whoring himself to VH1's 'Behind The Music' series.
The result is quite obviously hilarious, with Shatner hamming it up like a Spam factory in overdrive. Ben Folds lends his support on a side-splitting rendition of Pulp's classic 'Common People' which sounds musically twee and vocally like being sexed-up by an extremely hammered Dean Martin channelling Serge Gainsbourg. On the surprisingly nice 'Together' he teams up with Lemon Jelly and shows us how to bust out the ice-cold rhymes like 'Grecian urn... so much to learn'.
Elsewhere, 'You'll Have Time' reels off a list of all those celebs busily taking a dirt nap, complete with a choir singing 'DEAD!'. Then Bill clues us in to what he digs in a chick on 'Ideal Woman', which sounds like a muzak version of 'My Sharona' by The Knack and offers up romantic notions like he doesn't mind if his babe sweats or swears - but for godsakes just don't wear Capri pants. Sage-like wisdom for us all.
There's more. Lots more. But detailing every morsel that makes this the funniest album of the year would take up more space than rockfeedback's servers could handle. One to be heard to be believed.
Artists in this article: William Shatner
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